Whenever I see turtles I think of you
And dandelion leaves, you come in threes
Your softness was always what I saw
You taught me new names for love.

Now I break my rhyme and rhythm because if it is all broken then let it all be broken, these hands this mouth, the melodrama and the mood swings, the hot headedness glowing color red that lives in my head, the nonsensical never stopping self sabotage, us sabotage, until the heat burns through my pillow after never sleeping a moment at night, and I’m thinking about turtles, and I’m thinking about dandelions, and I’m thinking about softness, and I’m thinking about love, and how they are all gone now, ushered out into the rain, ushering in the ghosts with big brains, how I’m so scared I’ll never see them, how anhedonic I left myself, fearing any word or meaning that comes close to gone.